166/365

166/365, originally uploaded by beccabugg.

My heart pounded. I'd never been here before, but I knew exactly where I was. Every single possible emotion welled up inside of me. As they played tug-of-war to see who would win, I quickly became exhausted and had the urge to lay down in rest. But I couldn't. I had to reach that light. I felt emotions all around me as well - the strongest of which was love. And I knew without question that the source of this love was the light. I hadn't known what it was, only that I must - MUST - reach it. But suddenly I knew. That area that seemed to pour out living light - this was the throne room of my Lord and King. And I was scared. "What will He think of me? What... What if I'm not what He thought I'd be?"
As if in answer - as if he had heard the fears of my heart - I felt a whisper "Come, my child. Come to my throne."
I took a deep breath and continued. When I finally reached the foot of His throne, I saw that the light was coming from His face. And I can't explain, but it WAS living. I fell down at my King's feet and turned my face away. The light was too much to bear. Thoughts were racing through my head, almost too fast for me to acknowledge any of them. "Be still, My child." and then my heart was inexplicably calm. "Why do you hide your face from me?" He asked. Slowly and timidly I spoke, "Father... I have done so many things wrong... I have sinned in countless ways... I... I killed your Son. It was me... Every time I sin, I crucify Him again..." I wanted to ask if He was disappointed in me, but I was afraid of the answer.
"My child. Look up. Lift up your eyes."
With great difficulty, I looked up, and saw to His right, the Son. But He didn't look angry. He knelt down next to me and looked into my eyes. "Beloved sister... I had to die. I died for you so you could meet the Father - our Father. How can He be disappointed in you? He made you. He knows all your sins. Past, present, and future. But dear sister, all He wants is your need. And you give that to Him every day. So how can He be disappointed in you?"
Tears were rolling down my cheek. I knew He was right. But there was still fear. Then the Son reached down and touched my heart. And He filled me with love. The fear was gone.
"Go, sister. The Father has work for you."
Then the King, my Father spoke one last time. "My Child. Take the love that my Son has given you and spread it. Give as much as you can to every one you meet. My Spirit will fill you back up each time you give away. Now go. The work has already started."
I nodded and in one blink it was all gone. But I knew - I knew it was all real.

* This is a story - something I made up, to show the love of God. He is never ever disappointed in you. He made you and He loves you.