Tornadoes

Midwest got hit hard and many places are still under tornado watches, some with flash floods too...

If anyone has a few extra minutes to send up prayers regarding the destruction and pain resulting, please do so. I'm a bit worried because the words going out were that it was only going to get worse (after the Alabama tornadoes). I pray for mercy and grace in this time.

Pray with me.

--MovingGirl

Vision

Vision of Fire and Youth

Six o'clock and rain is pounding
Arms are raised in supplication
A great sound rises in our hearts
Thickening the air around us

Fire leaps within our bones
Trumpet cries are released
And the horn blows a final sound!
The army of God is on its knees

A warehouse filled with youth
As drums beat out the songs of war
Dancing as conquered kings
Our God, we worship, we adore!

Nine o'clock and drums are pounding
Hearts are surrendered to our God
Holiness is present, evident, here!
Let the Spirit be upon us now!

Peace and mercy, grace pour out
As the Spirit falls upon us all
And as One, rising to our feet
We give a glorious, resounding call!

The house is shaken with the sound
The glory rising up from within
As God the Father smiles down
And sees us wholly praising him

Twelve am and hearts are pounding
The presence of Jesus fills us up
Each life, each Spirit firmly joining
Unity, the wine inside our cup

We gaze heavenward in expectation
Waiting upon our God and King
And with one voice in supplication
We declare his eternal victory!

Shock-waves send us to the floor
Our bodies filled with golden light
Heads bowed in fear of the LORD
We witness our God in his might!

Three am and rain is pounding
The glory of the LORD all around us
We bask in the warmth and fellowship
And smile at each other in joy

For this night of worship is like no other
Never before have we been so awed
So bathed in the goodness of our Father
As we worship him in truth and love

Now as morning rises with the Son
Healing in his wings
Full of the experience of his presence
We go home to our families

Six am and feet are pounding
Door to door the youth are running
Jesus Christ is LORD! Is LORD!
The Messengers have been commissioned.

I can't wait.

--MovingGirl

Courage needed

Courage. Courage. Courage. As I repeat this over and over in my head, I can't help but notice that this is Satan's favorite way to taunt me. Well, lack of courage, really. Even better - let's just call it what it is.... Fear. THIS is what weakens me day to day. It is what causes me to lose heart or fall. But WHY should I fear? Ever since I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit (Friday), fears have been cropping up in my head - all having to do with that. What if it didn't really happen? Or what if it did, but only for one night? Or what I just somehow lost it? What if it's possible to lose the baptism? And the worst ones: what if I don't hear him? What if nothing changes? What if it mattered for one night, but I choose not to follow the leadings of the Holy Spirit? What.if.what.if.what.if. It's enough to go insane. And I'm reminded again that "God has not given us a spirit of fear". And today I have just been asking my Heavenly Father, my Daddy, for the courage that I couldn't possess on my own - but that He could give me. I will not be squelched. I am a fire burning bright, not just a flame, but a bonfire for God - for every single part of him. There is a reason for His timing. I don't plan on getting in the way of His plan.

A Season of Alone

Today I am struggling with bitterness and resentment of my circumstances. Things in life have shifted and I’ve gotten pushed to the outside looking in. The isolation would not feel so harsh, I do not think, if I had been able to choose it. However, I did not. God did.

Without a doubt, I know I’ve been brought to this place for a reason. God has not shown me the purpose, but there is something to learn in this season without anyone close.

Joy for others in their circumstances? Yes, I need that.

The ability to forgive others? Yup. Definitely could use some work.

Contentment? Absolutely.

Patience? That’s probably what I’m lacking most of all.

I have no answers for what God has on his agenda for me, what changes will occur in this solitude, or even when my Abba will allow me to move forward into a new area. Until then, however, this is home. (Not forever, though, since God definitely did not design me to live a life of complete and utter segregation) It’s not exactly my ideal place of resting, but with God along for the journey, knowing every one of my needs before I can even voice them, it can’t be so bad, now can it? I’ll be back sooner or later.

Very Happy to Say...

I am very pleased to be able to post the official fact that I am headed to Tulsa. It happened, God came through, and so many other things have happened this week. It's been a God-filled week in every which way. I'll try to remember it all.
Realtor phone call
Fish lady
Alayna wisdom teeth
Becca's baptism of the Holy Spirit
Chris' house prayed over
The Tulsa miracle

24-7 Prayer National Gathering
It's mid thirty my time so I'm headed to bed but I just didn't want to forget any of it. So happy.
I'll write more tomorrow.

Praying

I'm headed out!

Haha. No really, I am. And I'm believing God to get me where I need to go. Which is Tulsa Oklahoma the 26th-28th for the 24-7 Prayer USA National Gathering. ;D

Yep, last minute. I'm nervous and intimidated and scared. Not really about the finances, but what it will be like. I'm just a nineteen-year-old girl from Alaska. I keep worrying that I won't meet anybody or that my presence will go completely unnoticed...and the reason that worries me is because I feel like going down there I'm supposed to make contacts. And I know God has all this in his hand, but still, I remain so...fearful. I need to get over it. I need to be more bold. More Audacious. I get intimidated way to easily and I'm always borrowing stormy weather. No one can see it, though, because I keep it in for the most part. And it's like poison that eats away at me. I want to be different. I don't want this intimidation. I want to meet the people I'm supposed to meet. And be excited, outgoing, bold and confident. In Jesus. Period.

I'm, asking God that he would use this entire situation to help me gain a backbone. Because I'm truly a wimp. I'm believing that in my weakness God will be glorified. That he would be my strength. I love him so much. I love You sooo much, God!

Learning different sides of him. Different truths. It's like everyday there is something new. I'm not bored, and I'm not stressed with life right now. Even though some days things are very hard.

Below is a copy of what I'm posting on facebook. Just trusting God:

'Hello all. I'm writing a brief, short note asking for two things:

First is prayer. For several weeks now I have been praying and asking God for a word regarding whether or not I was supposed to attend 24-7 Prayer's National Gathering down in Tulsa, OK. I have been praying about attending this gathering since it was first announced, and have been given a God-birthed desire to be there. It will be a total step of faith to attend, as I am trusting God for the finances and provisions, but I have received confirmation that I am supposed to be there.

I am excited about the opportunity to be at this gathering, because I know that God is calling me there for a reason, and if there is anything that he has been teaching me, it is obedience to respond when he asks something of me...no matter how intimidating.

So I would appreciate prayer because I have about two weeks to somehow find the finances or transportation to go.

Secondly, (and this is my Luke 11-midnight-neighbor-shameless-audacity) I need the resources. Yes, I am asking all of my fellow friends and mentors and family. If God lays it on your heart, I need a way down there. I know I'm supposed to go, and God has told me that faith requires action, a step. And yes, I am intimidated, but I am also elated, because I am walking where God wants me and there is nothing more exciting.

So I need help. It could be in the way of unused air miles, etc. It's God we're talking about, but please, pray for me. I will definitely appreciate.

I can't wait to share what God does.

Love you all!'

Please keep me in prayer, specifically for strength and boldness and the realization that my Abba has it all in hand. ;D

--MovingGirl

Fly

Today is a Wednesday, and a difficult one at that. I’m finally thoroughly done with college classes, but the stress levels that I expected to be gone still are lingering.

My life feels like it’s hanging on bare threads at the moment. Circumstances have turned out so much differently than what I expected. Or wanted. I don’t have a plan for summer… or school… or my job. Or anything. Well, except for knowing that I’ve got to keep trudging forward, with one foot in front of the other into the great unknown that has suddenly become a reality.

All the familiar, reliable blueprints that I had so diligently mapped out are completely gone. With everything up in the air now, God has called me out of my comfort zone and into new journey. He is teaching me to face my fear of heights. I'm learning to fly. Slowly, but surely. I had to do it sooner or later.

Well. Here’s to soaring to new heights. I'm anticipating a good view from above as I practice with these new wings.

In Response

...In response to my questioning my right to ask...namely, "I don't even feel like I can ask for it" God supplied me with an answer.
First of all, I got an A in Japanese, in which I struggled my butt through, hard tests, difficult chapters, new vocab, writing, and tons of memorization. Not to mention grammar. I got an A. And I know it is because God was helping me, supplying me with strength and endurance and wisdom. It shows me that it pays off. That there are rewards worth it in the end. And that anything is possible with God. (Learning it all over again.)
So on that note, I went to bed, high on a quadshot mocha, and talked to God. I read some scripture, I sang. And then I opened my CAMB when I felt a peace about it.
He took me to the I Anticipate Thy Dependence on Me part and I read it. Here is a little of what it said:
"Do not wait to feel ore worthy, for no man is worthy of My Blessings. My Grace bypasses all thy shortcomings, and I give to My children because they ask of Me and because I love them, and I do not love one more than another. I give most liberally to those who ask the most of Me. For I love to have thee depend on Me. This is why the Spirit within thee crieth 'Abba--Father.' As thy father I anticipate thy dependence upon Me.
...Think not in thine heart that since I know all about thee, thou needest not tell Me. It is true that I know, but ye need to tell Me so that in the telling ye may experience the release of an open heart and the fellowship of a Friend.
For as ye open your heart to Me, I will come to thee. As you speak to Me, I will speak to you. As you reveal thyself to Me, I will reveal Myself to you. This is a law of life. There must be action to bring reaction. There must be a question to ring an answer. There must be an expression of love and confidence on the part of one person to arouse a corresponding response in another person.
Never presume upon My presence. Never assume that knowing thy need, I will automatically supply. Ask, and it shall be given. Call, upon Me, and I will answer thee. Tell Me that you love me, and I will make thy heart to know in a very real way My love for thee and My nearness, and thou shalt never feel alone." (Come Away My Beloved, Frances J. Roberts).

This is only a couple parts of the entire message in CAMB, but this was what he told me. So I asked, and I'm waiting. I asked for His will, and for His favor. But I expressed my desire to go. I told Him the deep longing of my heart. Even though I believe He put it there, I told Him. I love Him. I really do. I love Him so much.
I'm very content and satisfied right now regardless.


--MovingGirl
P.S. Thanks to my FirePlace friends for praying for me. I feel more at peace. Love you all!

Inventory

Shortened version of "Inventory" on Diary of a Moving Girl

...And there is somewhere I want to be. May 26th-28th..
But I have no money. No transportation. And no contacts that I know of. Tulsa, OK. It's the National 24-7 Prayer gathering. My heart jumps every time I hear it. But I am so dang TIMID! It's easier for me to say...it's okay, these types of meetings happen all the time, it's already May 3, how are you going to get there? Who are you going to stay with, or how will you get from the airport to the meeting, etc. You can't even afford one plane ticket, let alone two for someone to go with you (my sister). And how in the world would you even afford the conference fees? You don't know anyone, you'd have to ask for someone to volunteer their time to help you out...and you have no contacts. They might not even want, let alone care about you being there. Why would they go out of their way to help you, a 19-year-old girl from Alaska with nothing but a big vision?
And while these thoughts fly through my head I know they are lies. But why is it that I can trust God to sell our house, move us down to KY/TN, find my dad a job, and situate us. But I have the hardest time seeing him getting me plus one down to Tulsa for this gathering. Why??? I don't know. Lack of faith. I guess I feel selfish. I really don't even feel I can ask him for it. Because I want to walk in His will. I guess I'm a little scared too. Because last time I asked and prayed for something with all my heart, something I knew was God's will, it didn't happen. My prayers were sincere and I believe in God's will (he said I was too fancy) but apart from that, the decision was left up to the person I was praying for. And I'm okay with it. But it's still sore a bit. Just a reality. Truth is it feels like I've gotten confirmation. But I just don't know how to ask. Makes me want to cry. I'm going to start crying. Great.
I just feel the NEED to be there. To BE there. Ugh. My faith is wimpy.
My heart is burdened. And I know that the Bible is where I'll find my answers, so that's where 'm headed. I'll just get it over and done with. Or something like that. Too many reasons to go, though. Too many reasons to miss it. God has placed this fire in my heart. FIRE. And I feel called.

--MovingGirl

Engagement

The first engagement is DaughteroftheMostHigh's to her boyfriend of, what...three years? Exciting. I am so excited for the both of them and can't wait till Octoberish when they plan on having their wedding. ;D Deserves an emoticon.

Second engagement...said boyfriend's to a more 'engaged' role in FirePlace. Well, D's too. I'm officially making myself a resource for them now as my family and I get closer to the move. God's taken me through a lot the past three months, and now as the time for me leaving nears, he's been helping me to let go (aka prying my fingers away) of many things, FP one of them. It's hard, it is a vision given me, but I have to realize that it is NOT mine. And it can't be realized unless I allow God to do what He wants. Which I knew in my head, but he has been allowing me to know in my heart. So D and fiance are stepping forward to help spearhead FP. Can't wait to see how God uses them to impact this generation.


Third engagement is that of me and dance lessons. Lol. I'll write out a new 'poem' for that one. But what God has shown me, in part, is that now as I enter the field, Abelmeholah, that it isn't just a place of rest--though I do have that briefly and when needed--it is, in fact, like a dance studio. So now that he has spent three months strengthening my legs and teaching me pure endurance...I get to learn the actual steps. Imagine my reaction when he says "It shall be in vain if ye anticipate resting in a comfortable place. Lo, Zion is already filled with those who are at ease. No, ye shall find thyself put in a place of training and discipline, so that when the moments of crisis come ye shall not become faint-hearted, and ye shall not be the victim of unwonted fear." (Come Away My Beloved Frances J. Roberts, 1973). No, actually my first one was not one of unadulterated joy...I hope you hear my sarcasm. I was pouty. Not necessarily upset, just a little perturbed. Like a kid with their ice cream taken away. Yeah, two-year-old style. Regardless, I was saddened a little.
So my meadow of milk and honey is beautiful and all, but it's the courtyard of training, where I learn to use my weapons...aka, learn the steps of the dance, and the different moves. Pretty, but not just for comfort.
Battle-ready soldiers will come to my field to teach me how to dance. And I will not be safe from all attacks. God will allow them simply so that I can learn to dance. How else but through hand-on experience?
I've already had the wonderful privilege of being hit upside the head because my nose was raised to the sky. Got an uppercut that knocked me back a bit. Fun stuff. But God's grace is that he gives me time, resources, and patience in my learning how to respond(or in this case, NOT) to the attack. I had to get on my knees. Not stand up again. It's amazing how vulnerable you feel down there. And yet I think it is probably the most secure and safe position to be in.
It hurt, yes, and it hurt more because it came from a fellow member of the body. But the reality is that God wants to teach me this: I can see these things coming before they happen if I'm not A.) lifting my nose in the air and closing my eyes in a gesture of pride, or B.) looking at myself in any self-centered way. I also am learning that falling to your knees as a reaction to the punch coming can prevent the impact. They miss. Sigh.
Dance moves. Dance moves. That is going to be my repeated line for a while. Reminds me that this is all for a reason.


God is cool, though, and I am only beginning to understand the blessing and grace he has given me in these training periods.


Learning to dance, getting beat up, and loving the lessons...ahem.


--MovingGirl