Had a good cry last night. Sometimes there are no words to express sorrow and grief, but I believe God hears those silent prayers too.
I believe that when Jesus wept, it was the same sort of wordless emotion. Nothing else to do but weep. While he may have done other things, the Bible chooses to show that emotion. It doesn't say he prayed, it doesn't say he spoke, or gave some clever words of comfort. Nope. He wept. And I know the Father heard his tears.
Heard his groans and anguish. Anguish.
It feels like a broken heart, or the sorrow of losing a loved one.
Sometimes, I think tears are more powerful than words. And I wonder if God stops to listen just to them.
Because we are coming to him with something that we cannot express, but that we know he can understand.
And even when my heart breaks, he's there with his warmth that says "Mariah, beloved, I hear your heart."
It's those moments that help you to realize you can go on, that you can survive the onslaught of whatever is thrown your way. That you can stand firm because God the Father is there with his warmth and his comfort to hold you when it gets hard.
And my day goes on. The night continues. I get up in the morning, get ready, stop by kaladis to get my coffee, and go to work. A normal day, in which nothing has changed, and yet everything has. It feels surreal to watch people laughing and carrying on like normal. It makes me wonder why I live everyday like that. Why I live with the knowledge of a God who is greater and live like I don't.
I want to live in such a way that people look at me and see someone else, someone they long for. Jesus.
I want to live like my life depends on someone greater. Like I live for something grander. Epic. Majestic.
What everybody seeks in their fantasy worlds and their movies and books and comics and dreams. I live like that in reality because of a God who is fantastic and beyond imagination. I live in a world and a story more epic than LOTR. And I am an important character in the story. I am Frodo. I am Sam. I am filled with the love of Jesus Christ and nothing, no earthquake, no disaster, no normal, dreary day can ever ever make him any less.
I want to live in love with Him. So that when people ask me about my purity ring, I can tell them I am holding out for God's man for my life and until then and after God will always be my first lover, my first friend, and both this ring and the next will symbolize my relationship with him.
My heart breaks for Japan. But my heart knows that God is on the move, and I want to be ready, to stand prepared for what he is calling me to. No matter what.
--MovingGirl
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