when christmas approached this year, i think i was the only one not jumping up and down for joy a month in advance, drowning my brain in christmas music, and counting down the days. suddenly the songs about snow and mistletoe and presents and travel and bells... it all seemed so silly. for the first time in my life, i didn't want to listen to christmas music unless it was about the true reason for Christmas.
this year, a new favorite for me in terms of christmas songs was "breath of heaven". if you don't know it, here's some lyrics (i'll post a link a bit later so you can listen too):
"I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I’ve done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.
I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.
Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.
Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven."
These lyrics just really got me. i mean, can you imagine? can you just imagine being in her place? let me paint a picture for you...
you're young. maybe 19. you're in a very religious family. you're engaged to this man. you're a little bit frightened at the prospects of marriage. you don't know joseph that well. but you know he is a good man. and you think you could grow to love him - given time. all is going well. one day, you're out for a stroll in the garden, thinking about your future wedding. suddenly all of that leaves your mind. you feel something... a presence. and then you see it. something so glorious, its almost blinding. and though you've never seen one yourself, you know from stories you've heard that its an angel. but you can't be sure if you're truly seeing it, or if you're dreaming, or if you've gone mad. but for some reason it doesn't matter. you know in your heart this being has something gravely important to tell you. then it speaks. in a voice so strong that you tremble, yet so melodious that you want him to go on speaking. you force yourself to listen to his words, to understand. He is a messenger from God. this in itself sends you reeling, but he has more to say. you must hear his message. then this terribly beautiful being tells you that you are to have a son. that he will be conceived now, so that the sin of man will not be in him. you will carry the very son of God. you will be the mother of the Messiah, the one prophesied about! but it can't be true. your family is of lowly stature, and you are a meek girl. you know you are not fit for such as this. but you also know you must. something in you knows, this is God's plan. you don't know why, but he chose you. so you say to the messenger, the angel, "let it be done".
lets jump ahead a bit. suddenly, the gravity of it all hits you. and there is a strange yearning, almost an excitement. you run to your family to tell them the great news. you never imagined the looks of disgust that would appear on their faces. they... they don't believe you. they urge you to tell Joseph. he must know. and if he will still have you, you must marry as soon as possible... of course it would be horrible to get the town talking, the rumors going. you find a time to talk with him alone, and you tell him of your visit from the angel. you can see by his face that he really wants to believe you. but he has doubts. you part ways unsure of what will become of you, and you start to feel a great deal of fear. your heart thuds at any thought of any of it.
when joseph tells you that an angel appeared to him as well, that you must get married right away, you know you want to get to know this man. so you get married. mostly it is good, but sometimes you can see a look of jealousy on joseph's face. it doesn't last long. he is a good man. then you must travel to bethlehem. you are very pregnant by this time... your child is due to come any day. but you take the long trek anyway. you feel more fear than you have ever felt in your entire life. and you feel alone. of course there is no way for your husband to quite know what you're going through. it has been a long hard road for you and you have often doubted yourself, doubted God made the right choice. and these same doubts came flooding back on your journey. but you pushed forward.
you arrive in bethlehem much later than you had hoped to arrive. all of the inns are over capacity. there is no room for you anywhere. not even to sleep on the floor. you finally come to an inn that will let you stay in the stable. so, you waddle into the stable, and as joseph prepares beds of hay for you, you suddenly feel something new in your body. and you know your child is being born. after many excruciating hours, its over. the baby is placed into your arms, and you know that you are looking into the face of the messiah, you are holding glory. holiness radiates from this child's face. and he doesn't fuss. he only looks up at you with love. you've never loved anyone or anything as much as you love this small boy in your arms. and you never want to let him go.
-----------------------
such has been my journey this christmas season. as much as i try to imagine holding the savior of the world in my arms, looking into the face of the Holy One, i cannot. it surpasses understanding.
i didn't get to do a whole month of truths like i had planned. i'm a little bit bummed by that. but i refuse to let this pass by. this is the ultimate truth. the truth that some 2000 years ago, a baby boy was born. and this boy was the perfect and ultimate sacrifice to pay for our sins. the redeeming gift that allows us to spend eternity with our creator in heaven. isn't that a beautiful thing? the truth is that you never have to be alone, you don't have to be scared. you can have peace that surpasses understanding. because of the baby boy who's birthday we so often forget to celebrate instead of the corporate holiday of presents and trees. think about it.
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