Be a light into my life. Shine into the darkest part of me. I know I can't make it on my own. I've tried. I've relied too much on week things, temporary things. I've looked to others to be my light. To be my provider. I don't even know my own heart motives anymore. I say I'll trust you with things. But... Words mean nothing. Words are but a breath carried away in the wind. What are words without action? Ha. Nothing. They say actions speak louder than words. So why do we speak one thing hoping that is what people hear when our actions are not speaking the same words? What is it about the human condition that gives us this incessant need to order others to "do what I say, not what I do" and judge when they don't? Yet we get angry and self-righteous when others judge us. This is a sick, sick world. And I am no better. I look at how others live and get disgusted. I feel "better than them". Because I'm a Christian? I don't even know. But I know that when I really truly look into the deepest parts of my heart, the parts hidden in the shadows, the parts I often hide from myself... Well, I am no better than the murderer, the rapist, the thief, the terrorist. I continually crucify an innocent man over and over again... And yet he loves me, wants to care for me, wants me to the happy, full, wondrous life he has planned for me. Why can't we let God bless us? Why can't we let him give us a wonderful life? This world is in desperate need of a revolution.
I've been much in the same place, where you get overwhelmed with your own self-focus. I have decided that this year I want to simplify my life by making him the focal point of my day. Just the day. Each day coming to him and saying, Lord, be my focus. Give me a greater desire for you. I can't do this on my own. I'll even get distracted in prayer if you don't help me. Please. I need you. I give you my day, here I am, Lord. Be with me. It's starting back at the basics before the asking of God to use us, to send us. Just asking him to BE with us. To be with me.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's so cool how you can be overwhelmed by the God-focus. It's like looking into the night sky with a pair of binoculars when even the most high-powered telescope won't get you far. He will show himself to you in all his power and magnitude. His righteous, Holy self, the Lamb, AND the Lion.
And then you can't help but be moved. Everything else in life falls into its place exactly where it needs to be.
Anxiety is saying that God can't take care of it. Let's ask God first, before seeing if WE can.
Love you, girl.
--MovingGirl