Be a light into my life. Shine into the darkest part of me. I know I can't make it on my own. I've tried. I've relied too much on week things, temporary things. I've looked to others to be my light. To be my provider. I don't even know my own heart motives anymore. I say I'll trust you with things. But... Words mean nothing. Words are but a breath carried away in the wind. What are words without action? Ha. Nothing. They say actions speak louder than words. So why do we speak one thing hoping that is what people hear when our actions are not speaking the same words? What is it about the human condition that gives us this incessant need to order others to "do what I say, not what I do" and judge when they don't? Yet we get angry and self-righteous when others judge us. This is a sick, sick world. And I am no better. I look at how others live and get disgusted. I feel "better than them". Because I'm a Christian? I don't even know. But I know that when I really truly look into the deepest parts of my heart, the parts hidden in the shadows, the parts I often hide from myself... Well, I am no better than the murderer, the rapist, the thief, the terrorist. I continually crucify an innocent man over and over again... And yet he loves me, wants to care for me, wants me to the happy, full, wondrous life he has planned for me. Why can't we let God bless us? Why can't we let him give us a wonderful life? This world is in desperate need of a revolution.
1.08.2011
Conversation about the Bible
"Why are you doing this?"
"I'm doing this because I fell in love. With the characters, the story. It gave me a world outside myself; a desire for something bigger than me...just, something outside myself. It's like no matter how many deep breaths you take, you are never fully satisfied, you never have enough air. There is a hunger, a desire in your heart that cannot be quenched. You find this feeling with a lot of the grand epics. Why do we all fall in love with Tolkein, Narnia, Gladiator? It's this feeling that you get. That same longing comes with reading the Bible."
"But what has Christianity done for you?"
"Look where it's gotten me. Your raised eyebrows indicate a certain doubt. Listen to this. You know, some may go through life living on the streets. With abuse, poverty, strife, loneliness...a horrid life. Then they find God. Or rather, God finds them. And yet they may still be living on the streets, with hunger, abuse, poverty, strife...no loneliness...but you ask them the same question, and they'll answer the same way: 'Look where it's gotten me.' Because we're looking into the face of eternity, no longer living for this world.
"We've found something bigger than ourselves. We're satisfied even before we take a breath. It's fulfilling. It quenches those longings, desires, aches of our heart. It makes us richer than any other on earth."
"So you find a crutch to get through life."
"You know, that's the secret. We have nothing to offer him. We cannot give him anything. We're weak, helpless, lost, alone, hungry, thirsty, blind, dead. No, instead he offers us strength. And even though we have nothing to offer him, he loves us anyway."
"Yet he lets some of you live a horrid life?"
"It's not that we are given grand lives once we enter a relationship with him. And we don't 'settle' either, rather we live with peace, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Our circumstances cease to matter as they used to, because we live knowing God goes beyond our situation."
"Some love."
"There's a verse that says 'no greater love has a man than this: to lay down his life for his friends.' But see, it's even better than that. Jesus gave us his life while we were still sinners. While we were still enemies..."
"Huh."
"And Jesus...well, he's not a crutch." Smile. "He's our life support."
--MovingGirl
"I'm doing this because I fell in love. With the characters, the story. It gave me a world outside myself; a desire for something bigger than me...just, something outside myself. It's like no matter how many deep breaths you take, you are never fully satisfied, you never have enough air. There is a hunger, a desire in your heart that cannot be quenched. You find this feeling with a lot of the grand epics. Why do we all fall in love with Tolkein, Narnia, Gladiator? It's this feeling that you get. That same longing comes with reading the Bible."
"But what has Christianity done for you?"
"Look where it's gotten me. Your raised eyebrows indicate a certain doubt. Listen to this. You know, some may go through life living on the streets. With abuse, poverty, strife, loneliness...a horrid life. Then they find God. Or rather, God finds them. And yet they may still be living on the streets, with hunger, abuse, poverty, strife...no loneliness...but you ask them the same question, and they'll answer the same way: 'Look where it's gotten me.' Because we're looking into the face of eternity, no longer living for this world.
"We've found something bigger than ourselves. We're satisfied even before we take a breath. It's fulfilling. It quenches those longings, desires, aches of our heart. It makes us richer than any other on earth."
"So you find a crutch to get through life."
"You know, that's the secret. We have nothing to offer him. We cannot give him anything. We're weak, helpless, lost, alone, hungry, thirsty, blind, dead. No, instead he offers us strength. And even though we have nothing to offer him, he loves us anyway."
"Yet he lets some of you live a horrid life?"
"It's not that we are given grand lives once we enter a relationship with him. And we don't 'settle' either, rather we live with peace, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Our circumstances cease to matter as they used to, because we live knowing God goes beyond our situation."
"Some love."
"There's a verse that says 'no greater love has a man than this: to lay down his life for his friends.' But see, it's even better than that. Jesus gave us his life while we were still sinners. While we were still enemies..."
"Huh."
"And Jesus...well, he's not a crutch." Smile. "He's our life support."
--MovingGirl
1.04.2011
Recovering
Kissing the floor at his feet.
I want this year to be the best.
And then for it to get better.
I want to be closer to him.
More than ever before.
I want to learn humility.
The real thing, not the fake.
I want to mature in my life.
Both spiritually and otherwise.
I want to become that force.
That moves only because of him.
I want to be ready.
For the storms to come.
I want my understanding to grow.
Of his works and his ways.
I want to not fall prey.
Fall prey to sins that cause such stumbling.
I want rejoice and glory in his love.
For in the days to come.
I will see that which I have not yet seen.
And hear that which I have not yet heard.
I want to hear his voice.
I know I will hear his voice.
I want to know his will.
I know I will know his will.
I want to walk in his love and tenderness.
All the days of my life.
I shall be still.
And know him as GOD.
--MovingGirl
I want this year to be the best.
And then for it to get better.
I want to be closer to him.
More than ever before.
I want to learn humility.
The real thing, not the fake.
I want to mature in my life.
Both spiritually and otherwise.
I want to become that force.
That moves only because of him.
I want to be ready.
For the storms to come.
I want my understanding to grow.
Of his works and his ways.
I want to not fall prey.
Fall prey to sins that cause such stumbling.
I want rejoice and glory in his love.
For in the days to come.
I will see that which I have not yet seen.
And hear that which I have not yet heard.
I want to hear his voice.
I know I will hear his voice.
I want to know his will.
I know I will know his will.
I want to walk in his love and tenderness.
All the days of my life.
I shall be still.
And know him as GOD.
--MovingGirl
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